Day 22: You

I am a word vomiter. I enjoy nature, and music. I like cooking, only I hate cleaning it up, so in essence I enjoy making messes that sometimes taste good. I am notoriously outspoken. When it comes to writing I can mostly contain myself, but verbal or facial expression is absolutely unfiltered. It is really a pain. I am in school. I feel like I've been in school forever. I enjoy it and feel that this time, unlike all those other times before (only not really), will be different. I am afraid of death. I totter on whether God exists or not. Most of the time I find it easy to believe that God exists, I just have a difficult time discerning my own thoughts on the after life. I have to believe that something happens. Most of the time I can cast it aside; live now, think now. be now. But sometimes, usually at really inappropriate moments, the thoughts take over and I feel like I'm drowning. I am a planner. I like plans and I like people who follow plans. I don't exactly like being in charge, but someone must be in charge, and often I take on that responsibility. As a product, I often present myself as an "alpha female". I was taught there is an absolute wrong and right, but as time goes on I see more and more exceptions to that concept and I losing faith in the concept of right and wrong. I am not especially emotional. I feel things, I feel deeply, but its kind of like a million fish swimming in the deepest part of a lake; the surface just has tiny wisps of waves. I believe in self-preservation; I am not always good at the practice, but I do believe in it. Most of the time I love myself. I am swayed on this topic because part of me says "This is my temple, this is my home." But the other part of me says, "This is temporary, you are a soul you have a body." I am getting married. While this isn't always the case, today I feel like being married is the easiest thing I am doing... I would actually say that most days that is the hardest thing to do. I love/hate social media. It allows me to look at people I'd rather not talk to, but also exsposes me to horrible and sad things. I have one friend documenting the last year of her life and her meth addiction. Her recovery is beautiful, but the recollection of her struggle is awful. I also saw 3 complete strangers' memorial on facebook. One was a baby. I shouldn't care but I do. I think the exposure is supposed to make us not care, but oh how it shakes me. He'd just learned to master some very cute facial expressions. It broke my heart. I hate snakes. Down right hate. I am from South Carolina. I just visited and it was a lovely time. I love to travel, and only recently did I really start doing it a lot. I like reading. I like sitting and thinking. Sometimes I like talking to people, but my favorite people to talk to are people who don't talk often. It makes me feel special when people tell me their thoughts. I have been in love 3 times. I think positively about each of them. Unlike most people, my most genuine and fruitful friendships started in highschool. Those 2 girls are amazing, and always ready for a chit chat, despite the vast differences in our lives.