Day 34: Something you'd like to say to an ex:

I'm getting married. May as well address both of the ones that matter:

1. Dear Sir,

          I'm sorry I was mean to you for so long. I had to. I realized during a little break, that being with you meant that I would be exactly what all the people who I didn't want to be like, expected me to be. It wasn't you. I mean, well, it was you. It was what we were together. We were so boring. I think you've moved on. I saw you a few years ago and it made me lose my breath. Not because I immediately wanted to let go of the hand holding mine, but because I was taken back to when I would have done it. You were my first kiss. I'm not certain you ever knew that. I enjoy being your facebook friend. I enjoy seeing your life. I'm proud of what you've become. I hope you don't hate me. I think it was for the best for both of us. I dream about you. Never in creepy ways. I think my brain gets confused about who you are. You represent many different people when I dream about you. Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened, but then I recall a conversation we had after I'd moved to California. I said that life was an adventure. You said that you could adventure at home. That's when I knew I'd made the right decision. Thanks for being that really awkward relationship that we all must have.

2. Dear Sir,

         You made my freshman year of college like a fucking 80's montage. I actually walked around campus at 2am crying with snot running down my nose. The end of us was a fizzle. And that was probably worse than if we'd blown to bits. I mean... you haven't done much with your life; riding the coat tails of you wife... but that's cool. I guess we all have to find our anchor. I sound mad, but I'm not. I'm thankful for The Fountainhead. I'm thankful for the notion that I could leave home. I did. When I met my fiance I was still in love with you. I was still in love with you for about 5 months. I remember walking around the vineyard in the hiking boots I'd bought in a manic phase to physically catch you... and I was knocking the baby stems off the bottom of the vines and I realized I'd done all the things you hadn't. I'd acheived more than I could have with you. And I learned to love who I was with, because I realized the beautiful part of him is that he will always want to go more; do more. Thanks for breaking my heart, the reassembled bits work pretty damn well.