When it comes to aging, I'm pretty Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Sometimes I'm afraid. Sometimes it keeps me up at night that I am constantly getting closer to my death. Sometimes I lay and try to allow the idea of nothingness to seep through me and remind me that none of what I'm doing will matter when it's over. Then, sometimes I'm apathetic. Most of the time I'm apathetic. I notice gray hairs as they come, I celebrate birthdays, I started moisturizing my face. I remember that osteoporosis is evident around my age, and wonder about my calcium intake; then I consider the other side of the calcium debate (thrombosis) and I rescend into "everything in moderation". I can't drink like I used to. I realize that sounds very old and cliche, but it is true. I get crazy heart thumping problems when I drink. I can have SOME drinks, but nights of binge drinking are way past me. I used to smoke a lot of weed. Now, I can't. I can smoke SOME weed, but I have to be in the right mood, and I have to be around the right people.
And then there are other times that I am overwhelmed by the fortune of being here. Every day is a gift when you know someone who didn't get to do it. I became very angry when I heard of people repeatedly brushing death with drug overdoses or driving drunk. I immediately thought of a few people I care deeply about who didn't have the chance to TRY the day. Aging is a beautiful thing. Aging is something that we all do, from birth, but the race grows smaller and smaller as the game goes on.
Now I will put a silly little passage on here that gives me great peace when the evils of aging arise. I didn't write it!!!!!
The conversation of a set of twins in the womb of their mother ... “Say, do you actually believe in life after birth?” the one twin asks.
“Yes, definitely! Inside we grow and are prepared for what will come outside,” answered the other twin.
“I believe that’s nonsense!” says the first. “There can’t be life after birth—what is that supposed to look like?”
“I don’t exactly know either. But there will certainly be much more light than in here. And maybe we will be walking about and eat with our mouths?”
“I’ve never heard such nonsense! Eating with the mouth? What a crazy idea. There is the umbilical cord that nourishes us. And how do you want to walk about? The umbilical cord is much too short.”
“I am sure it is possible. It’s just that everything will be a little bit different.”
“You are crazy! Nobody ever came back after birth. Life is over with birth. That’s it.”
“I admit that nobody knows what life after birth will look like. But I do know that we will see our mother then, and that she will take care of us.”
“Mother???? But you don’t believe in a mother, do you? Where is she?”
“She is here, all around us. We are and we live within her and through her. Without her we couldn’t exist at all!”
“Nonsense! I’ve never sensed a mother, consequently she doesn’t exist.”
“Yes, sometimes, when we are very quiet you can hear her sing, or feel how she caresses our world.”
—Author Unknown
No comments:
Post a Comment