Um, hi. I barely remember you. I don't remember much. I remember it was around this age that you learned what manipulation was. I'm sorry it happened to you, but I think you should consider fighting evil with good, instead of more evil. Eventually you'll come to this decision without my telling you this, but it would save you a lot of heartache and time to just treat people kindly. Also, that girl who told your class you bathed with your brother is in prison... like... for real. So, even if you do have to be an evil bitch, just remember that the mean people really have it rough at home. I know you don't have many friends now. I also know why you don't have many friends. I want you to know that you will overcome those things. You were only afraid because you thought you were different. You aren't. Once you open your heart to people around you, you will see that they all have the same problems, but they aren't parading around as the product of two people who hate each other... so in that sense they have a leg up. I'm so proud that you never victimized yourself, but I'm sorry that you were made to feel defective. For the record, you may be a little emotionally dry later, but I'd say you turn out ok.
When she tries to make you cry; when she tries to make you change your mind, don't listen. You are where you belong. You are so, so loved. And maybe she wont always be terrible, but for right now she isn't what you need. Frankly, don't expect that to change for another 10-20 years... if ever.
Also, your dad is going to marry an absolute psychopath. Don't talk to her about menstruation, or books, or pain. She is toxic. She terrified me for so long on those topics that I was afraid of them. She was wrong. Matter of fact, don't eat anything she cooks, and avoid contact. Try to live with Nana.
Nana is only going to get more annoying. She's going to let her fears of what you could become envelope her in paranoia. Be patient. She is coming from a good place. She will protect you from things you can't even imagine. She will be your greatest defense. Try not to yell. Try to write her letters more. People will always tell you that you get your enjoyment of writing from Larry... but it was her. I promise.
Reading is a lot more fun than they make it out to be. And in a few years you are going to make your first 'C'. Don't cry. Daddy doesn't care as much as you think he does. Actually, by now you have a baby sister. You will come to find that Daddy is way more laid back than you thought. As complicated and awkward as he can be with you sometimes, it will be 10x's worse for her. She's just a baby now but she'll be able to handle him better than you; but you'll always have Nana figured out.
If I could ask you to do one thing, I would ask you to stop caring so much. Don't look at clothes sizes before you look at what looks nice. Don't assume that family comes first. Don't worry yourself with what your peers think of you. If you like hiking, hike more. If you want to ride a bike, ride more. Be more social. Join more groups. Do more. See more. You can, and you should.
One day you're gonna wake up, and you're going to have the most pressing drive you've ever felt. I imagine it's what birds feel when they realize it's time to migrate. You will want to escape. It's the greatest decision you'll ever make. Don't be afraid to go sooner. Don't be afraid to be gone longer. The people that matter understand. The people that don't matter... don't matter.
Please be gentle with yourself. Like they are so eager to tell you anyway: you're damaged goods. But you're scarring over nicely. Keep up the good work. Kiss more boys. Try to break the rules every once and a while, and for the love of all things holy stop letting Nana dress you.
-Love
you.
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