1. You expect your betrothed to change.
A ring will make her happy. The yes will fill his heart. As with most gifts in life, we often lose focus on those things and their significance as time goes on. The ring will not make her more submissive. The yes wont remove all need for him to hear WHY you said yes. You should expect the bad to stay bad, and to good to stay good. If you find yourself engaged to someone because you thought the commitment would change behavior, its probably a good sign to let them go.
2. Your betrothed DOES change.
I recently talked to a girl who's husband was completely normal until the wedding, and then he became increasingly possessive. It got to the point that he called her 15 times in one day bc she was in a 3 hour lab. Ain't no body got time for that. Betrothed means promised, but it doesn't mean enslaved. If you see behaviors that are frightening or vastly different, try to talk it out, but if its bad, get out.
3. Cheating.
My knee jerk reaction is that cheating is never ok. However, as an adult I can see if a person is neglected for months or years, and someone else comes along and gives them the affection they want, it makes sense that a human would migrate to what they want. That being said, you aren't married. Most likely kids aren't in the picture yet. The stresses of life are relatively low for you. If you aren't providing the love and support that he/she needs now, then it will only be more difficult when you have a family or buy a house, or changing jobs, or losing jobs, or any plethora of life circumstances. That being said, if your needs aren't being met, give the other person the opportunity to change. Break it off before you cheat.
4-10. Follow your gut
Frankly, this prompt is annoying to me. I just got engaged, and I'd rather not focus on reasons to break it off, but for the sake of keeping it random, I wrote. Lastly, and this is my greatest weakness, follow your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Everyone I've ever talked to about divorce said that they had reservations during their engagement. I don't mean to be negative, but it seems like sometimes marriage means just not leaving. Hopefully your marriage will be filled with more; like love and happiness and consult and companionship. We all dream that our marriage will be the first ship to exclusively sail on fair weathered seas, but I think at somepoint you should consider what life would be like if you had to live every day with your significant other at their worst. And once your mouth is filled with acid and you could shoot darts with your eyes, consider what it would be like for your mate if they had to live every day with you at your worst. Statistically, its not likely that those scenarios would be average, but being with someone during sickness doesn't mean cleaning up barf and making chicken soup. Sometimes it means the mood swings that accompany weaning off of prescription strength pain killers, or the emotional roller coaster and pains of pregnancy and birth.
My worst is not caring. My brain has this auto prioritizing feature. My emotions, and the emotions of the ones I care about are usually the first or second thing to fall aside. So, I think about what life would be like for my significant other if I completely ignored his feelings for years. He's a pretty emotional guy. He's a talker and a sharer (yes, a dream by most women's standards). I am not. At best I can listen. I rarely make it above comprehension. If pushed I can sympathize, and maybe even emote a little myself, but ultimately, its just not in my nature. By suggesting that you consider living with your significant other at their worst, I am immediately reminded of what that would mean if I was specifically speaking to him. What a reminder!
No comments:
Post a Comment